Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Is this what you want?

Is this what you want??

"funny how you conveniently didn't approve my comment about my disgust for your commentary about "free" healthcare.

How biased of you. You've lost a reader and honestly, with your attitude, I will watch as karma handles you and your family.

perhaps when you LOSE your healthcare, you will be scrambling to find ways to qualify for the free healthcare that some of our special needs children need and deserve! They didn't ask to be born."

First let me say this. The reason I didn't post the first comment, because it wasn't as nasty as this one, is because I don't post anonymous comments that are nasty. That is why I now moderate my comments. I have an email at the top of my blog. If you disagree with something I said, or as in this case, take it the wrong way, you can email me in private and we can chat.

Because you didn't post your name, I don't know what your situation is, but it is obvious that you have a special needs child and that you've been through hardships, as most of us have. I felt sorry for you in the first comment, but quite honestly, this last comment is quite creepy! Because I didn't post your anonymous comment me and my family are going to have this horrible karma? And it really bugs me that you say your child didn't ask to be born. I'm not super religious, but that tells me you think your child was forced to this life, and that they wouldn't choose their special need. It kind of sounds like you are quite cold as well.

You said in the first comment that I was cold. But if you re-read the post, I say that right there! I'm freely admitting that sometimes I am bitchy. But you are also missing the point of the post. Which is sometimes I need a slap in the face to remind me how lucky I am, and that people have it much worse.
But just so you know, I don't stay at home because my hubby makes great money and I don't have to work. I was forced to quite my job to stay home with my medically fragile child. And my hubby's job in Cali, is not this great new job in a new state. Its a mediocre job, with horrible pay. Now again, I'm grateful that he has a job, because so many do not, including a good friend with a sick child. And I thank God every day for my insurance. Trust me, I don't take that for granted!
Again, since I don't know you, I don't know your childs needs. But quite honestly, most special needs do not understand where I'm coming from. If I just had Arina, she would be a little more expensive, and it would be hard to get insurance for her simply because of her diagnosis of Down syndrome. But Jaxson costs millions of dollars every year. Much more than insurance pays for. And because I have insurance and not medicaid, doesn't mean I don't worry about things being covered. Life saving things!
And I don't think that people on medicaid are abusing the system. You don't think I have friends on medicaid? Jax will get medicaid when we move. My gorgeous nieces are on medicaid, and not because they are special needs, but because they have no other insurance right now. I have friends that had to quit their jobs so their child would qualify for medicaid.
There are things that I didn't put in this post because I knew they would cause a huge debate. And there are more personal things that I'm also not putting on here, but may talk to you about if you'd like.
But again, you would have to email me privately, we could talk, and you wouldn't have to hide behind anonymous! And I wouldn't have to use blog space to talk to one person!


Shari said...

Oh Lacey! I am so glad you are transparent here on your blog and you can use it as an outlet or to vent. You are much more gracious than I would be in the response to anonymous. There is no way in hell I could judge you or your situation. I am thankful you will get Medicaid when you get to Cali. It's about time you get some overdue help.

Due to my husband's job situation we can't afford the insurance through his new, low-paying job. We qualify for Children's Healthcare through the state of Oregon. It's the first time we have ever had to use the govt. and we have a special needs child, too, but in a totally different realm of medical needs and care. Just having regular insurance put us in debt for huge copays and other expenses for him. We are still paying these debts. anonymous...I feel sorry for you! There are people who care and would love to help you. Do you need to vent? Do you need a friend? But a soft heart is needed so we can help you. Only you can make that choice. In the meantime, I am praying for you.

Lacey said...

Shari, i totally agrer, and that is why i want this pers so tp reach out. This is a huge community, and we are all willing to help in any way we can!

Lacey said...

Man i cant type on my phone! Sheesh!

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry you have been through something that has caused you to read something from Lacey's post that wasn't there. It's obvious you've read her other posts, so you know to some extent what she has gone through. We all need to vent sometimes and she prefaced well I think. But maybe you need a shoulder or an ear or ... something, anything. Reach out, there will be a hand to help you up I'm sure.


I'm sorry you felt you had to defend yourself. I moderate my comments too. To me my blog is the same as my home. I wouldn't let just anyone in my home, and I don't let just anyone say whatever they want on my blog. I know it's public and so to some extent we invite this stuff sometimes, but no one deserves to be disrespected and it is never okay to basically wish harm in the form of bad karma on a family. I'm sorry that your honest and raw post brought such harsh criticism. I bet it has nothing to do with you and your words and everything to do with a scar on that person's heart. You are someone I look up to. Someone I draw strength from. I appreciate your honesty and your openness and I hope you keep it up!


Anonymous said...

Im writing this as an anonymous comment as I don't have an account - but my name is Angela Dalziel and I am from the UK.

In the UK we don't have health insurance, if my child gets ill, they receive free health care, if they need medication, they receive that free too. I can not believe how anyone could have read Lacey's post and not have understood, I can't even imagine having to worry about finding the sort of money that is involved in co-paying I don't know how you could decide how to cut back to afford to treat your child.

It is obvious from the photos where you see all the equipment that Jax requires at home that he is a very very fragile child (I am a paediatric nurse)

My first reaction to the post was I have to give back to Lacey for being so kind hearted and being able to be bigger than the feeling of being unfairly treated, so I didn't comment, I just clicked the donate button and found some money in my budget, it means that I will go without something, but that something is a luxury not a necessity.

Until you are walking in someone shoes you really shouldn't judge, Lacey is very open, and sometimes that honesty attracts ignorance from other people. Like the hard time she got when she was over dealing with Arina's adoption.

I couldn't deal with all that Lacey has on her plate, I certainly wouldn't have added to the load by adopting another child, BUT that is me not Lacey, and it is clear from the photos that the decision that the Rugg's took was the right one for THEIR family

Lacey you are doing an amazing job, your kids are a credit to you! Ignore the ignorant, people will always find fault, but that is only because they don't want to spend time thinking about THEIR own faults and failures

Anonymous said...

You have such a great attitude about things. If I had to deal with half of the stress (financial and otherwise), I would not take it as well as you. You are entitled to bad days, bitchy days, and great days. Isn't a blog to share how you are feeling and share your sweet kids with us? I think I am very privaliged to be able to anonymously read your blog and comment. I pray for your family and smile with your family because of your blog. Thanks for not letting rude people change that.

stephanie said...

"sigh" You are a better person than I!! God bless you! For still reaching out to help!

Not a Perfect Mom said...

oh Lacey, I'm sorry you have to deal with people's negativity...we love you and know you're doing an amazing job with all of your worries about anon...
If if makes you feel any better, an anon recently told me I was a horrible mother and they felt bad for my kids since I drop the F bomb a lot..

Anonymous said...

That person was out of line. This is your blog, you can't post what you like and if you want to delete anonymous comment, that's your choice. You didn't say anything wrong, that's how you feel. That person hasn't walked in your shoes. Maybe anonymous has a special needs child, or maybe not. That post sounds strange, like from an unstable person. First it says you have lost him/her as a reader, but then states that him/her will "watch as karma handles you and your family" so I guess anonymous will continue reader this blog to wait for something bad to happen? What an mean spirited person to want to watch something bad happen to a family because it will make them feel better! Shame on you Anonymous. What a horrible thing to say! Choose your words wisely Anonymous, perhaps karma will come back and handle YOU....but don't worry none of us will he wishing or anonymously waiting for it to happen to your family, I think we are all better human beings than that.

Chromosomally Enhanced said...

you tell us how you feel and then some!! I love it! and I love when you are honest and have those days you are human! together we will say we can not fix stupid...cant do it! smiles and a high five!

Kristin said...

In response to your homeschooling post.... I will check with my sister who home schools her 16 year old. They actually have an online teacher.

Pursuit of Happyness said...

I am the "anonymous" in question. My first comment wasn't nearly as rash as the one you posted. But it was the tipping point. I have been anonymously reading for quite some time and have fallen in love with your story and your children. But one thing continuously rubbed me the wrong way... every time you posted about Jax and his woes, you ALWAYS made a snarky comment about free healthcare and those of us who recieve it.

I do have a medically fragile child. She was born with a congenital disease that requires expensive DAILY medication for the rest of her life, or she WILL die. This has also prevented us from expanding our family as it is genetic and our children carry a 1 in 4 chance of being born with it, a 50% change of being carriers.

I do not think my child was FORCED into her life, but my saying that she didn't ask to born meant that it was MY choice to get pregnant and accept the responsibility to provide for her needs.

However, I was laid off from a job that had insurance (albeit, it was extremely expensive) and the job i currently have wont even OFFER me insurance. WITH A DEGREE.

I PLANNED PROPERLY. But life had other plans. And to see someone constantly degrade and belittle those of us who MUST use the system and rely on it for the very LIFE of our children is demeaning and insulting and it really plain hurts.

Every day I fear for the day when my child is too old to be eligible for the insurance coverage she has, or something changes in the laws that takes away the very medications that KEEP HER ALIVE. Every day I think about WHAT WILL I DO if by then I haven't been blessed with a better job. WHAT WILL I DO TO KEEP MY CHILD ALIVE?

and for someone who I ADMIRED to make a choice to fight for their child, or make a choice to go bring an innocent child out of terrible circumstances to CONTINUOUSLY bash someone who is just trying to keep HER child alive (yes, in an indirect way) I felt the need to speak.

This is the last that I will say about it. I will apologize for my comment about the karma, although I TRULY do believe in things like karma. We do have to be mindful of our words and our actions and our THOUGHTS.

I do not take back the comment about what would happen if you LOST your coverage. Because that is a realistic FEAR. I do not wish it upon you, don't misconstrue. But I ask that you consider that these are fears that I consider daily. As my daughter grows, how will she pay for the medications she HAS to have. How will we cover treatments, and surgeries she faces in the coming years? If not for FREE healthcare at the moment, and with the way the economy is tumbling around us, i fear every day that soon I will have NO options for my child.

I'm not interested in a dialogue. I'm not interested in blogging about my family and our woes. You choose to present yourself in a public forum and so I ask that you consider the people who you end up reaching, and the way sometimes your words may affect their admiration of you.

I think you are a wonderful mother and I did enjoy your blog. But everyone has a tipping point.

Lacey said...

Thank you for coming out, although I still cant talk to you in private, and that bugs me. Im sorry that you continue to take it the wrong way. Maybe i should have left it as "i dont want to pay for illegal immigrants to get free healthcare while i have to pay". I understand what you are saying about a tipping point, because thats what usually causes me to get cold. One thing after another and i break.
But you really dont understand that i too have to worry about losing insurance. My son will also never live on his own, and what happens when he gets too old to be covered under me? We are screwed. Although no one thinks he will live into adulthood. I hope you read this comment as its the only way to communicate with you. Im sorry that I offended you, i didnt mean it the way you think. I wasnt talking about medicaid.
I know having an open blog brings in everybody, thats why i moderate my comments. But im not going away because i've met and helped far too many people. Some of my best friends i met this way. I've stopped saying things on my blog because of the nasty comments, and I will watch what i say about free healthcare. I doesnt matter if i had Arina or not, Jax will always be a million dollar child. I really would like to get to know you and your child, but i understand if you just leave!

Lacey said...

One more thing before I move on from this. Don't you think its hard for me to see someone have a child that has DS, but walks, talks, and is essentially healthy, get a medical bed, simply because they are on medicaid? When my child, who can't move himself in bed, has all his equipment, can't qualify for the bed, because private insurances can pick and choose what they cover. Thats not fair either!

Shari said...

Let me point one more thing out. If you, anonymous, have a fragile child like the rest of us, there is something called SSI through Social Security. THAT is how your child will continue her care once she is past 18. SSI comes with Medicare coverage. I am sure Lacey's Jaxson will qualify as well as your child and mine. We are in the process now of applying so he is taken care of the rest of his life.

I understand your tipping point and I do not believe Lacey was pointing people out who use free healthcare through the govt. She has never said anything about anyone receiving it including me. Her comments have been directed at HER personal situation and nobody else's. She needs help for her child and she is aware she can lose insurance at anytime. Lacey is very wise.

I really hope you can find someone to talk to. It seriously does make me sad that you are struggling so much.

The VW's said...

I think it's quite obvious what you meant in your post! And, it's also obvious that you aren't against children getting help through the government if it's necessary! I am surprised that this commenter took it the way she did!

The problem is, some people DO abuse the system and, and it does people bitter when we are having to pay taxes to help people that really don't need that much help.....and then there are those that are truly in need, and they can't get the help! It does cause some bitterness.....but I didn't sense any bitterness from your post...just that it can be frustruating paying for so much all the time!

Maybe she was just extra sensitive and having a bad day? Because, there is no way that your words should have been taken out of context like that! Besides, this IS your blog anyway, right?! :)

Toni said...

Bottom line is this is your blog, and your opinion and if someone doesn't like what you have to say then #1 they don't need to read your blog, and #2 they don't need to leave an ugly post.
By the way I totally agree with you. Living in california we deal with this all the time. My son had some health issues when we first brought him home from Kaz and spent quite a bit of time at Childrens Hospital in Madera and we saw alot of situations that totally irritated us, but I won't go into. Sorry with all that you deal with on a day to day basis someone felt the need to post this.

Anonymous said...

I admire you all so much....I follow these blogs about moms that have special needs children and find such incredible inspiration! To Lacey and the rest of are amazing!

Louie said...

Wow! If karma exists - it owes you a hell of a lot of money, health and happiness! You are amazing and inspiring. I love your honesty. Keep blogging please. If anyone is offended they don't have to read it - seriously confusing to me that anyone would write that.