Boys!!

Things have been so quiet I keep waiting for the ball to drop. We haven't had as much as a cold in our house in months, knock on wood. We got Jax longer trachs, and when we first changed it, he coughed and was super junky all night. I was quite worried that he wouldn't tolerate the length change, but the next morning he was fine. I guess its like getting a whole new trach because its irritating a part of the trachea that wasn't touched before. We are also adjusting his blood thinners because his levels have been high, but getting his hemo doc to call us back before Christmas is proving to be taxing. I'm also wondering how much his cecostomy is actually working. His surgeon didn't know if the cecostomy would do him any good, but we gave it a try. It seemed to at first, but I still have to give him suppositories to completely flush him out. Now that he has the trach he seems to swallow a lot more air. I vent his g-tube as much as I can but he still gets a lot of air into his gut, and since he can't even "toot" on his own, I'm giving him a suppository sometimes twice a day to relieve his distended belly. Plus, because the tube goes into the bowel, the area is always red and irritated. It sometimes even bleeds, if stool has leaked out. I'm debating if we should just pull it out and let it heal. I don't know if it has to be surgical or not, because if stool leaks into the abdomen that would be bad. We'll talk about it after the holidays. It would be one less tube to take care of!!

I love this pic. I don't know why, but its my new favorite.


The boys frosting cookies last night.



All done, the boys frosted a couple each, and I ended up doing the rest. Boys lose interest quite fast. And soon they were back to.........

what they are normally doing.

Tis the season

We have a new adoption plan. We are getting our homestudy, we need to gather birth certificates and things. Ray's will be fun to try and get from California. But we aren't starting the foster thing unless we get a call that we get the baby. Its 32 hours of classes to become a foster parent. And we don't really want to me foster parents, we just need the certification if we get this baby because she is in the foster system. So you probably won't hear anything unless we get the call that she is ours.

Have I mentioned how much I love this season? Oh yeah, I have. Friday night, after we went to dinner, we got Jamba juice and just drove around to look at the lights. We went to a neighborhood were every year they all do tons of lights with the Twas night before Christmas story. While we were driving through we noticed that they had a Santa in front of one of the houses talking to kids so they boys jumped out and went for a closer look.
Last night we had my family Christmas party. It seemed everyone was a little dull this year. The party ended so fast it almost wasn't worth the 45 min. drive. We didn't take many pictures either, but we did get Santa pics of course. Well, except for Tanner, he was on and off Santa so fast I missed it.

Seriously mom, why did you put me on this goofy mans lap?

Today daddy's making cookies with the boys and letting them frost and decorate them. Interesting pictures to come!!

How is Jaxson doing

I've been so consumed by this baby that came into our lives so quickly, that I haven't updated on the warrior to whom this blog is for.

Jaxson continues to do amazing. The trach really has been a lifesavor. Our new longer trachs are in the mail, so we should get those anytime. He is doing much better with his therapies, holding his head up for quite a long time. He still gets pooped out fast, but he's doing better. His vision seems to be slightly improved. He looked at bright tinsel yesterday, normally he only looks at lights. It had to be shiny tinsel, but he definitely looked. He's giving some great smiles. One of these days I'm going to catch some on video. (oh, and check out his flat hair, he had a beanie on that flattened his fohawk)

When he sits in his napnanny, he always puts his left leg over the side, its like his way of chillin.

Ok, and I am going to update whats been going on with the baby. I never heard anything about the meeting on Tuesday until today. Now they say they have multiple families they are considering. It sounds like at the meeting they pulled some families that are already in the system that said they would take special needs kids. But I really don't think anyone will take her. It sounds horrible, I know, but they've given this baby a death sentence, not to many families want to deal with that. We are still in the running, but we need to get moving on the paperwork, so here's what the plan is.

We are getting a home study done by a private company (which we will pay for) but the state will accept it. It is the only private home study the state accepts besides their own. But if we go through the foster system, the home study is the last thing they do, and we need it first so she can come into our home. Plus, with getting this home study, we can use it for other adoptions through other agencies should this not work out. We also are getting started with the states procedures to become foster-to-adopt parents, which is all their classes and licenses. So I am still hopeful that we can get this baby, but if it doesn't work out, we have a home study to start looking elsewhere for our girl.

Now that I've had it so close to my fingertips, my urge for a girl is stronger than ever

Heck, pretty soon I'm going to start putting bows in Carters hair!!!

Still nothing

Sorry I've been a little spacey and out of the bloggy world. I promise I haven't forgotten you, its just been a crazy 4 days. Lots going through my mind, and lets just say this better get worked out soon because Christmas has been the last thing on my mind so if we want a Christmas this needs to be done.
They were supposed to meet today to discuss the babies fate. Of course I got no phone call about a decision. I'm going to bug them tomorrow until I hear something. Right now we are working on stuff we have to have for the home study. Making sure all our smoke detectors work, locking up meds and cleaners, etc. As soon as we hear we can adopt her, she's ours. It will be fast. So I need to be ready for a quick home study. I have talked to the mom that will adopt the other twin. They for sure want her too, even though neither of us have met the babies yet. I'll be sure to let you know when we get word, it better be tomorrow. But I will probably be MIA until I hear something.

Baby update

Thank you to everyone for your birthday wishes. It was a looong weekend. Not in a bad way, just a lot of soul searching. Friday you know me and Ray went out to a work Christmas party without the boys. Saturday we had a Hopekids Christmas party at the Mayan. Santa was there and they had face painting and different things to do along with lunch.

Of course Jax slept the whole time. But I think that even though he is the Hopekid, these events are more for his brothers. Siblings are often left out when they have a sick brother, so this is fun stuff for them to do at no cost.

I do have a little more info on the girls that need homes. Not as much as I'd hoped but I'm impatiently waiting for the case manager to call so we can go see them. They are literally going into an institution tomorrow if homes are not found. Foster mom has them both and is overwelmed. The funny thing is neither girl has any tubes or monitors right now. But they need a trained home. One girl has severe reflux, but nothing is being done, and they wonder why she screams when they lay her flat. There is a family that is interested in one girl, so I pray that they take her, and we could take the other, and we can keep in touch. I don't think we could take both girls, but I can't take one and let the other go to an institution. If I have to I would take both until another home can be found. So this would be very fast. We would have her by Christmas!! Probably just in a few days if we decide to do it. That means I'm frantically trying to clean my home because we don't have a home study, so they are going to want to do at least that before they give her to us. I will let you know tonight if we are able to see them, and what we decide. I was wondering if this was what we were supposed to do. I was thinking that I would get some epiphany or something telling me these were my babies (or baby) But talking to some of you that have adopted, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you still are worried until it happens. Thank you so much for all your great advice.

I'm very excited about this, and a certain little boy is quite excited at the prospect of being a big brother!!

Happy Birthday Momma

Thirty-two years ago today an angel was born.

shorty after that her first love came into the picture. ( Chocolate )

She went on to be a mentor teaching pre-school.

Then I came into the picture. 11-15-97

Then she became the mother of four litle boys that love her so much.

But there was always another man, her true love.

Lacey my dear wife I love you and wish you a happy Birthday, you are a great wife and mother to are boys. I am honored to be able to say your my wife and that I have had the chance to spend 12 years of your life with you. I love you Happy Birthday.

Help help, please read this

Before I get to the reason for my outrageous title to this post, last night me and Ray went to a work Christmas party. It was adults only, we went to dinner and a play, A Christmas story. We got all dressed up, which is fun to do once and a while. Jax went to his auntie Boo's house, and the boys went to grandmas.
They funny thing was the whole time we were at the play I was thinking, I wish the boys were here, they would love this play. Even when we have a night out we miss the boys. Its so funny, we just love to be with them, show them the world. I think we may take them back to see the play, it was very cute. But it was also nice to be out with adults with no kids.


Ok here we go, Shelly has been helping me in my quest to adopt. We haven't even had a home study done yet because we were waiting until after the crazy Christmas holidays. But she just sent me an email of twin girls right here in Utah. They are going to seperate the girls because of their high need, but they are willing to give them to a family that hasn't done all the paperwork yet. It almost seems to good to be true.

Almost,

The one problem is, they are the only medical problem I didn't want, the severe CP kidos. I wanted another DS girl or a little girl with heart defects. But they are right here so close, basically dropped right in my lap. How do I say no? In some ways I want to take them and nuture them, on the other I don't. Why don't I have that feeling telling me these (or one) is my baby? Aren't you supposed to get that feeling when you adopt? Does this mean they are not for me and I should wait?
Friends, I am so torn right now my heart feels like its going to stop.
Ray hates the fact that they are going to seperate them, if we take one he wants to make sure we know who has the other so we can keep in touch. I don't think I can care for 3 medically fragile children. The other thing is because they are in foster care, we don't pay a dime. They will actually pay us to care for them, that takes the financial burden out of it.

WHAT DO I DO??