A bit of reminiscing!

I am finding that having a fragile child has made me a bit bi polar. Sometimes I want to be supportive of other people, and I understand that different people have different stress thresholds. And some days, nobody's child has the problems that Jax has, and I find myself wanting to tell them to stop whining!

Because I worked in the very hospital Jax spent so much time, I know more about what is going on, and I have never panicked when things get scary with Jax. My first month working, one of my heart kid's passed away on our floor. She didn't even make it to the PICU after she coded. It was horrible, and I really struggled with that for a long time. But when people are asking me how I'm so calm, that's a big reason why. Some days I miss my job so much, and other days just the thought of going to work makes me want to climb in bed for a month!
I worked during Jax 117 day hospital stay. There were times they called me on my pod to tell me they had to reintubate Jax, and I would just walk downstairs to my baby's bedside. In a way it was nice to still be able to bring in some money, and stay close to my critically ill baby. But then there were days when the bi polar feeling hit, and when a mom complains about having to stay a few extra days in the hospital, for a total of 10 days, I have to walk away to keep from screaming.."10 days! Try 3 months lady, and we aren't headed home anytime soon!"

But when it comes down to it, the last 6 years has made me wiser, and made me a much better person, minus those crazy, whiny days!
I was cleaning out Jax closet yesterday, to pack up what I could, and I came across stuff that really hit me.
I found stuff that I brought home from the NICU. Blood pressure cuffs that won't even fit around my wrist! his first pulse oximeter probe, and his little white hat. The hat he wore for a total of 5 minutes when I first held him, then got tossed to the side as he went to the NICU.

Then I pulled out some of those pink buckets they give you in the hospital. I had brought stuff home from Jax 4 month hospital stay in those, because he had so much crap! Tons of soap, tape, and that butt cream that they think works so well. (I still prefer good ole desitin.) And a few things that brought back memories. The mask they bagged him with the very first time he went into respiratory failure and had to be intubated. His little blue buddy, we called it, because he loved when the did CPT on those sticky lungs. It would lull him to sleep every time. The baseball that our minor league team gave Jax. There is a picture somewhere of a player standing next to his bed. He is heavily sedated and doesn't have a clue that they guy is even there!

I try to keep just about everything from Jax stays. I like times like this when I can reminisce about what my warrior goes through. I have these name stickers all over his room. They are name tags they put on PICU beds to keep track of which kid they are at when things get crazy. I've kept every single one. The last few I stuck to paper because I realized sticking them on things in his room isn't going to preserve them very well!

Jax PICU posters. This is a fun thing they do for the kids. They get their likes and dislikes and make them a poster. It makes the room a little less scary, and its fun to read each kids poster. Some of his posters were lost when he moved from bedspace to bedspace. Or if he went to the floor when I wasn't there and the nurses threw them away.

So I had to chuckle at myself the other day. After I packed up all this stuff, I was at the hospital for appointments. I overheard a lady tell someone that this was their longest hospital stay at 14 days. The first thing that popped into my overstressed mind was, "seriously! 14 days! Cry me a river!"
So I had to laugh, change my attitude, and remember we are all different people with different problems.
But for my own fun, and because I'm organizing and packing this stuff up, I posted pictures from hospital stays over 14 days. The first 3 are the same 117 day hospital stay. The rest are all separate stays.











But its always funner to post these pictures.