Monday, April 25, 2011

Soul searching


One thing I've found, especially in the last 5 years since having Jax, is that bad will happen until you think it just can't get any worse. And then something good will come out of where you least expect it.
For example, when Jax was just a couple months old, I hadn't been able to go back to work, because he was constantly in the hospital. I was spending a lot of money on gas driving an hour back and forth to the hospital, and food while up at the hospital. We had nothing. And then when I wondered how we were going to eat for a week, I got a check for 1200 dollars in the mail from the government. They had just upped the child tax credit, and were reimbursing people for the difference. 300 dollars for 4 children!

Things have just gone downhill since Ray transferred to California. The IRS continues to hold onto our adoption tax credit. Money we were going to pay for a place for Ray to live, and airfare for him to come home on some weekends. Bills keep popping out of nowhere, and I'm desperately looking for the good to come. I was thrown over the edge Saturday when I opened a bill from the company that did our home nursing when we had it. Our insurance paid for 90 days of home nursing when Jax was trached. It had gone over that 90 days when the home nursing company called to verify hours for the next month. I mentioned that I thought it was only supposed to be for 90 days, and she told me that she had him pre-approved for the next two months. Later that day I got a phone call saying our nursing was done. That was over a year ago. This bill was for all the nursing hours over that 90 days. Close to 14,000 dollars!
You better believe I'm going to fight it! Its not my fault they messed up. I'm not sure where this lady had her pre-approval, but it wasn't from my insurance! But just because I fight it doesn't mean I'm going to win. This would be a car payment if we have to pay it ourselves. Now you see how one thing can throw the family of a medically fragile child into bankruptcy!
All the people out there that criticize us for wanting the waiver for our children. This is why. You have no idea what is not going to be covered, and what expensive service or equipment that is life saving is going to have to come out of your own pocket!!
Easter was kind of a bust. Neither me nor Ray really cared too much. Neither family invited us over for an Easter dinner, and we found ourselves running to the store for Easter baskets at 10pm on Saturday night!

I'm trying to figure out what the message is in all of this. Is He trying to tell us that moving is a bad idea? Or is He just testing us, that good things don't come without hard work and trials?
I'm not quite sure, but I'm not sure how much longer we can go on this way!

22 comments:

Rochelle said...

Praying you discern where God is calling you. Praying for your peace in the meantime. So sorry! Hugs...

Anonymous said...

Dear Lacey, when I read this I remembered that after the trials we are blessed. I don't even know you and I can't even imagine what must be in store for you. I can tell you are incredibly special, hang in there!

Our Family said...

oh lacey!!! i so know how you feel. it seemed like everything that could go wrong, did. things are going better now that we are actually moving but we still don't know what's going to happen to the house. just hang in there. that is all you can do. i'm so sorry!

Scrappy quilter said...

Sending some warm thoughts and hugs. Saying a prayer that He will show you where you are to be as a family. So sorry you are going through so much. Hugs

Emma said...

When I read posts like these I just so feel for you yet feel so guilty that you're even having to pay so much for that, when in this country you don't! It makes me so mad sometimes, but what's the point getting mad cos what can I do anyway!

Will be praying for you. I've said this before, God is definitely a God of surprises. Just wait and see!

Blessings and prayers,
E x

kecia said...

i pray you will find the answers you need soon! you are amazing!

Team Carter Jay said...

Praying that God's plan is revealed to you soon. <3

Kristin said...

$14,000!!! The medical system is so messed up! I almost didn't take Max in last week because his oxygen was low and I was afraid they would send us to the ER and then admit us, and I am sick of medical bills and it's only April! Luckliy, the breathing treatment worked. Gotta be cheaper than the ER.

Anonymous said...

Stay in prayer and keep the faith. Things will get better. Remember, there is no testimony without going thru a test.

XOXOXO

Lori said...

((Hugs)) Many prayers for you and your family. Prayers for answers, prayers for strength and prayers for faith. And.. praying that you see are able to see God's hand in all that is happening.

Alison said...

Sorry to hear things are so tough at the moment. That bill would have sent me over the edge too!!

Simply, Sarah said...

When we moved to our city 9 years ago, everything happened in such a way that we KNEW we were supposed to move where we are now. After we had that knowledge, things got rough throughout the moving process, and things got in the way (although nothing like what you're dealing with). Because we knew though, that we were meant to go where we were headed, we kept plugging along, and a few months later, everything worked out. It was so frustrating in the meantime though. I'm sorry you have to go through all this while you're headed to a better location. Hopefully soon this will all be a distant memory for you.

Becca said...

With all of the adversity surrounding you, your attitude is still always so positive. I'm so sorry all of these things keep popping up. But I'm a firm believer that things always get better, one way or another. (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Sometimes when we are doing the right thing, that is when the spiritual opposition attacks us the most. Trust in God, and stick close to Him - remember the "footprints" story - He will carry you through this, and also remember that trust means the most when we can't see an easy human way out - that is actually the only time when we can be blessed with true miracles. Pray for God's will to be done, and His good and perfect love for all your family will help and guide you - Romans 8 v 28 says it all!
With my prayers from here in England that your miracles will happen soon to give you peace of mind, Ruth Riddle.

Sarah Marie said...

Lacey,

My heart is breaking for you and your family. Everything will happen in HIS time and once it does you will know why it had to happen this way. You are in my prayers.

The VW's said...

God has a plan for you and your family....and it will happen no matter what obstacles come in your way! So, try to keep faith that all will work out the way it is supposed to.

I totally understand about how bad things can come to you.....until you just can't take another thing! But, then we are given a breather and something good always comes out of it! I think the devil likes to get his hands in there and try to make us forget about God. But, God always wins and we just have to keep our faith and remember to lean on Him!

Praying that things get easier for your family very soon! Keep your head up and try to think of your trip coming up! You will definitely have a GREAT time soon thanks to Make-A-Wish and Mickey Mouse! :) HUGS!!!

Mama Mason-Mann said...

Lacey, this is a very difficult time for you and your family indeed. Transitions are always difficult and yours is particularly complicated because it's long distance AND you have a child who is medically complex. I hope you get some "good" soon to help get you through these tough times. I know it'll all work out for you in the long run, but it's getting there that's the hard part. HUGS and LOVE.

Danny McAuliffe said...

Well my friend,I wish I had the words to ease you worry and alleviate the uncertainty in your heart.I am sorry that things seems so heavy and hard right now and I hope and pray,that when you least expect it,the tide will turn and the path before you will seems less daunting and be filled instead with joy and anticipation of a new beginning.

Sending love and prayers.

Cathy said...

I don't know what to say other than you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!!

Summer said...

My prayers are with you!! May you feel the love of the Lord even as you experience these trials.

Mason's Mommy

Melissa said...

Lacey, sending prayers and hugs. I know that the health insurance bills and keeping up with everything, especially with Ray gone, is overwhelming. I pray that you can find peace as to where your family is supposed to go.

On the swallow study, they have some powder stuff that the coat the food in. Good Luck with Arina today!

Shelly Turpin said...

so, so sorry. On my adoption groups, everyone has had their adoption tax credits delayed. I am so sorry!