Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Pictures of a warrior.

The last week or so has had me thinking so deeply, that my brain is screaming, OVERLOAD!
I've been going over pictures of Jax from back when he was a baby, looking for things to post on my Facebook for Down syndrome awareness month. He's been so healthy lately that these pictures pushed me right over the edge into, wow, we've been to hell and back....multiple times!
A few things added to my brain overload. Mondo mentioned that a girl friend of his was talking to him about religion. Some of you may know we aren't an overly religious family. But what he said to me that night, I never knew my son was thinking! He told this friend that he will believe in God if Jaxson would magically lose all of his problems. He said to this friend that if God controlled everything, why would he make children like Jax suffer? He was very serious, and obviously very angry and confused on why things like this happen. When I tried to tell him a little of what some people think, I'm not very convincing. After all, I question things like this as well!
Daddy's work moved locations. Now instead of a 20 min drive its an hour to an hour and a half! Its only been a few days and its making me nuts! We don't want to move the boys again that just got settled into school. He may actually start looking for a job closer. He just doesn't get payed enough to drive that far. Keep your fingers crossed he can find something. This just plain sucks!

Then on Saturday, at Carters baseball game, we had a real shaky experience. All of the ball fields had games going on. Right in front of all the boys and their families, a small cessna airplane crashed just outside our baseball field! We lived for years right next to a small airport, and never in my life had I ever seen an airplane crash. I remember every time I would hear an airplane I would think, please don't crash on my house! But nothing prepares you for a front row seat, with a field full of children! Carter said he saw the airplane hit a tree, that was out of my view because the dugout was in front of me. I heard someone else scream and looked up just to see it nose dive and cartwheel before stopping. I jumped up and ran over to see if I could help. Luckily both pilots were out and walking around. One had a nasty gash in his forehead, but they were ok! Leaving the ball field after the game, we saw the tree it hit. It was about 10 feet behind the fence where a baseball game was going on! How lucky that not only the passengers were ok, but that the airplane was able to avoid the children, and land just across the street in the dirt.
I try not to question things, it just leaves me more confused and upset. Sometimes things happen that can only be described as miracles. Other things, seem to be pure suffering.
But since I was digging through pictures, here's some super cute, some serious, pictures of Jax over the last 6 years!
Major picture overload, but I couldn't get over his long, beautiful hair! These are all pre trach.


Anonymous said...

Beautiful boy!!! Then and now, we love him!

Jamie Lea said...

Praying for you and yours.

Anonymous said...

Hope you don't mind me sharing this but, as I see it, suffering makes us stronger and brings us closer to God. While things make very little sense now, one day everything will come into clear view.All we see and know is the here and now but God sees everything and knows much much more than we could ever fathom.
I also wanted to let you know that Jaxson's journey has definitely impacted me! What a warrior!!
Thankyou for sharing your story.

Emma said...

Hi firstly Jaxson is very cute! Love those pics. Also I want to encourage you that God can use bad things as part of His perfect plan. In the Bible there's a query about whose sin is responsible for a person's disability. Jesus answered that this happened so that the glory of God could be displayed in his life. Whether He chooses to heal Jaxson or not, he can use him for amazing things.

Being a Christian isn't about religion, it's about having a relationship with God. Not forcing you into anything, but I think He could give you comfort and do great things for your family.

Praying for you all,,

Anonymous said...

Jax is a beautiful boy. You might be interested in the book, "If God Is Good," by Randy Alcorn. He wrestles with the questions that you are asking and many more. Plus he does not give a single pat answer.


Tia said...

He has come so far! Beautiful boy..