Monday, October 3, 2011

Snuggling

Our hotel room has a king bed, and then on the other side of a wall, a couch bed. I'm not normally fond of king beds, they are so big, I feel like I'm a mile away from my hubby. But in this case its been nice. Two boys sleep on the couch bed, one boy sleeps with me, and Jax sleeps on the other side of me. Arina sleeps in a porta crib.
I love sleeping next to my boy. He's never really been able to come into our bed and snuggle, he's always had too many tubes and monitors. Nights that he cries or is cranky, I pull a chair up to his bed and hold him there until he calms down.
Bonding can be so hard with a baby like that. When he spent most of his first year intubated and sedated, I felt so helpless. I would walk through the store and not complain that my baby was not normal like these babies...but complain that its not fair that they got to dress their babies, and take them to the store, while my baby layed in a crib in the hospital. Because of Jax medical problems, my insurance gave me a fancy breast pump. I never really was able to breastfeed my babies for long. My milk always seemed to run out after a few months. Carter was the longest so far, I was able to nurse him for 5 months with the help of a pill to increase my milk. With this super fancy breast pump, I was able to pump milk for Jax for 8 months. I only gave up at 8 months because bottles and bottles sat in the fridge at home and at the hospital. He had to switch to IV nutrition because of fluid in his lungs. That and the fact that there was no way after this long stay, that he would drink by mouth again. So I stopped pumping, and handed the pump back over to my insurance company.
Being able to snuggle for the last week with Jax has been amazing. A few small glitches, like even with the trach and vent, he is a super restless sleeper. So all night I'm super careful about moving too much, because it will wake him and make him stir. The other night he fell asleep with his hand on mine. I can't help but think that he felt comfort having his mommy right by his side. He can feel my heartbeat, and my skin, and he is loving that! And of course, so is this mommy!

I ordered Jax and Arina's Halloween costumes. I'm super excited, and I've put a poll on the sidebar. Lets see if you can guess what they are going to be!

13 comments:

Junior said...

so sweet, love that pic of you and Jax.

stephanie said...

i don't which to vote for!! I know you're Mickey nut but gosh PP and tink!!! OH that would be so cute!!

Goin with my gut!

Love the pic!!!

The VW's said...

What a cute pic of you and Jax!

Snuggle time is the best! Hope you are able to sleep well though!

Runningmama said...

That is a beautiful pic of you and Jax! Can't wait to see what He and Arina will be for Halloween...I voted so I'll get to see if I was right :-)

Anonymous said...

New haircut? I like!

Snuggle time is really important. actually, all my kids (4 daughters) slept in bed with us into their toddler years, and it wasn't hard at all to switch them into their beds when they got too big, or the next baby came along. It was great for bonding and my sense of peace (I'm a worrier and like to be able to hear them breath at night! lol)

They are all very well adjusted now , my oldest is almost 12 and my baby is 3, so I agree, it is nice to be able to do this. I'm glad you're getting the chance.

suelmayer said...

What a beautiful photo!!!

Our Family said...

what a wonderful thing to be able to do!

Darren said...

So glad you got to be so close to your little boy. Amazing how "normal" things can turn into life-changing moments with all the challenges you face. Congrats, mom!

kiwicpk said...

Have you had a haircut? Looks great..... :-)

Colleen said...

Awww I love snuggles! I can't wait until we get to see pics of the costumes!

yourhandsinmine said...

Your post warmed this mama's heart!

Amy said...

you made me cry.... loveeeeeeeeeeeeee

Shelly Turpin said...

great post - I've never slept with Bell