Soul searching

One thing I've found, especially in the last 5 years since having Jax, is that bad will happen until you think it just can't get any worse. And then something good will come out of where you least expect it.
For example, when Jax was just a couple months old, I hadn't been able to go back to work, because he was constantly in the hospital. I was spending a lot of money on gas driving an hour back and forth to the hospital, and food while up at the hospital. We had nothing. And then when I wondered how we were going to eat for a week, I got a check for 1200 dollars in the mail from the government. They had just upped the child tax credit, and were reimbursing people for the difference. 300 dollars for 4 children!

Things have just gone downhill since Ray transferred to California. The IRS continues to hold onto our adoption tax credit. Money we were going to pay for a place for Ray to live, and airfare for him to come home on some weekends. Bills keep popping out of nowhere, and I'm desperately looking for the good to come. I was thrown over the edge Saturday when I opened a bill from the company that did our home nursing when we had it. Our insurance paid for 90 days of home nursing when Jax was trached. It had gone over that 90 days when the home nursing company called to verify hours for the next month. I mentioned that I thought it was only supposed to be for 90 days, and she told me that she had him pre-approved for the next two months. Later that day I got a phone call saying our nursing was done. That was over a year ago. This bill was for all the nursing hours over that 90 days. Close to 14,000 dollars!
You better believe I'm going to fight it! Its not my fault they messed up. I'm not sure where this lady had her pre-approval, but it wasn't from my insurance! But just because I fight it doesn't mean I'm going to win. This would be a car payment if we have to pay it ourselves. Now you see how one thing can throw the family of a medically fragile child into bankruptcy!
All the people out there that criticize us for wanting the waiver for our children. This is why. You have no idea what is not going to be covered, and what expensive service or equipment that is life saving is going to have to come out of your own pocket!!
Easter was kind of a bust. Neither me nor Ray really cared too much. Neither family invited us over for an Easter dinner, and we found ourselves running to the store for Easter baskets at 10pm on Saturday night!

I'm trying to figure out what the message is in all of this. Is He trying to tell us that moving is a bad idea? Or is He just testing us, that good things don't come without hard work and trials?
I'm not quite sure, but I'm not sure how much longer we can go on this way!